Apr 17 2011

Welcome to Inside Out

Welcome to the

Inside Out Humor and Design Blog

If you’ve never visited my T-Shirt shop, please have a look. There’s lots of funny t-shirt designs that are all mine and mostly original. Grin If you want to kill some time and the boss isn’t looking, why not read about how I got started in t-shirt design, or if you really have nothing better to do you can scroll down and take a look at some random thoughts that I’ll be posting on occasion.

In any event, thanks for accidentally finding me through your local search engine and at least reading this far before hitting the back button…

Mar 04 2014

New Old Tunes for the Baby Boomer Generation

For all of you from the 50’s and 60’s who are now in their 50’s and 60’s and missing those great old tunes, there is good news. Some of your favorite artists have re-released their hits with new lyrics to accommodate their aging audience…

Rolling Stones – “Can’t Get No Circulation”

The Who – “My Degeneration”

Strawberry Alarm Clock – “ExLax In Peppermint”

Bob Dylan – “Like A Kidney Stone”

The Beatles – “In My Life…Don’t Ask…”

The Beatles – “No Ragin’ Wood”

The Doors – “HMO I love you”

The Supremes – “Stop In The Name Of GOD!”

James Brown – “I Feel Sick”

Tommy James and the Shondells – “Crystal Blue Prescription“

Simon & Garfunkel – “Feelin’ Grumpy”

The Who – “Who Are You…No, Seriously…Who The Hell Are You!!?”

The Who – “Won’t Be Cool Again”

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Apr 10 2012


If I die and there’s just nothingness, I’m going to be so pissed.

May 16 2011

La Cucaracha

There’s a construction site across the street from me where they’ve starting putting up some new apartment buildings. Yeah, who needed that empty lot with all those annoying fruit trees anyways. So now, every day, twice a day, like clockwork, a catering truck drives by my apartment as it heads towards the site to feed all those hungry construction workers. How do I know when he drives by? Because to announce his arrival to the entire neighborhood, the driver blasts on his musical horn an obnoxious, sped-up version of everyone’s favorite tune, “La Cucaracha”. Yes, “The Cockroach”.

Because really, what better way to let everyone know you’ve arrived in your mobile food wagon than to play a song about the most vile, disgusting insect on the planet. Mmm boy, give me one of those roast beef sandwiches before it crawls away. Why doesn’t he just shout out the window “Botulism! Salmonella! Get it while it’s room temperature! Your death-on-wheels food service is here! We got stomach pumps in the back! Hey, no pushing!!”

May 15 2011

Parking Lot Survival

I think I’ve finally developed a really effective way of dealing with people who come up to me in parking lots. You know the types. Usually they’re either trying to sell some sob story and you’ll end up giving them a few bucks just to get rid of them, or else they want you to convert to some religious cult like the Hare Krishna’s or Young Republicans.

I used to be less cynical of these types of people until I got taken for a lot of money one day, but that’s another story. Now I’m a bit more suspicious whenever I’m approached by someone while walking towards my car because it usually means one of three things; they’re selling something, they’re going to rob me, or they’re running for political office – which in my opinion is all pretty much the same thing. So here’s the technique I use.

When someone walks up to me with that big ol’ I-just-want-to-be-your-best-friend smile and says “Excuse me sir, do you have a moment?”, I just reply “Sorry, I don’t speak English and I really have to get going”. This will usually daze them long enough for me to dig my keys out and start to unlock my door. Then if they ask “You don’t speak English?”, I reply with “Sorry, not a word. Have a nice day.” While they stand there confused and unsure of what to do next, I start the car and make my escape.

I think this technique is not unlike the way a lizard, after being pounced upon by a hungry animal, will leave its tail waggling behind while the unsuspecting predator tries to figure out what happened to the rest of its lunch.

May 14 2011

Joking with the Highway Patrol

I got pulled over by the Highway Patrol the other day and discovered, once again, that CHP officers have no sense of humor.

The stone-faced officer walked over to my window, looked inside and said “Do you know why I pulled you over?”

“Because I was the only one you could catch?” I smirked.

“I clocked you going over 80!”

“Really?” I replied., “I guess I was too drunk to see the speedometer!”

My court case is next Tuesday.

May 13 2011

The 30 Second Murder Trial

I think I know how every murder trial could be over in less than 30 seconds. First, strap the defendant into an electric chair. Then, hook them up to a lie detector machine;

Judge: “Sir, how do you plead to the charge of killing your wife?

Defendant: “Absolutely, 100 percent not guil….BZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZT!!!!!!!

Judge: “Bailiff, please scrape the defendant off the witness stand and bring in the next case!”

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