Jun 08 2011

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I'm SpartacusI’m Spartacus! design on t-shirts and other gifts for fans of the classic Stanley Kubrick movie.

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With toungue in cheek, try to imagine for a moment what the classic Stanley Kubrick film Spartacus would’ve been like if Woody Allen had directed the movie and cast himself in the leading role as well. Now picture the scene where Spartacus and his band of rebel slaves are finally captured by the Romans, and the lead Roman guy, Gluteus Maximus, or whatever his name was, walks over to the group and, knowing Spartacus only by reputation rather than appearance, tries to find out which one of them is their infamous leader.

Roman: “Alright, which one of you is Spartacus!?”

Slave 1: “I’m Spartacus!”

Slave 2: “I’m Spartacus!”

Slave 3: “I’m Spartacus…and so’s my wife!”

Spartacus (Woody Allen): “Yeah, he’s Spartacus! They’re all Spartacus! Me? I’m nobody. I was just passing through on my way back from the Opthamologist. Have to get bifocals, which I’m not too happy about, you know, because it makes you look older. Not you, of course, because you’re very good looking and obviously high-ranking, so on you they’d look fine, but on me, I may as well go sit in a rocking chair with a newspaper and a cup of Postum. But listen, it’s been great talking with you and I’d love to stick around and watch you crush the rebellion but I have to get back to the leper colony because, you know, I’m very contagious and if I’m not back by five they send out a search party, which is not a pretty sight.

I'm Not Spartacus! shirt
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2 Responses to “I’m Spartacus”

  1. That's funny enough to have been written by Woody in the seventies, but too funny to have been written in the last few years.

  2. admin says:

    Wow, an actual non-spam comment! Well, I'm a big Woody Allen fan (of his earlier, funny films) so this was something I thought up a few years ago but only got around to actually writing a few days ago. Thanks for posting - I'm gonna check out your site in a bit. =)

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