Posts tagged: Funny News

May 24 2011

Today’s Rapture Update

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That was something I found on a Yahoo comments board that I thought was too funny not to share.

So as predicted, preacher Harold Camping discovered he’d made a slight miscalcuation in deciphering the date that millions of true believers would be sucked up into the sky to have brunch with Jesus. The new date for this event is now set at October 21, 2011, with Mr. Camping explaining that May 21st was in fact God’s judgement day in which God decided to check his files and give us all a final grade of pass or fail. Just kinda wish I’d dressed a little nicer. Cool

So presumably, the day after the “real” rapture takes place, the world will quickly implode into a hellish nightmare of earthquakes, wars, global economic collapse and high gas prices.

So how will we notice the difference?

Well, for one thing there’ll be a lot less traffic on the freeways and lots of empty homes up for grabs, although I’m sure most of the wealthier neighborhoods will still be well-populated. (If you don’t get that, google Mathew 19:24.)

Personally, I think if Mr. Camping wants to share his delusion among his equally-deluded followers, that’s fine, but scaring the rest of the world with this kind of nonsense is really pointless and accomplishes nothing more than adding to everyone’s stack of things to be scared shitless about. Of course I’m writing this fully aware that the joke could be on all of us come October 21, because in the back of my mind, and probably everyone who dismisses this guy as just another religious zealot who needs to chill out, there’s always the thought that maybe, just maybe, something’s gonna happen.

Then again, if nothing happens October 21 there’s always December 21, 2012 to look forward to, since everyone knows that’s when the world is really coming to an end…according to the Mayans anyways.

May 21 2011

No Rapture? Whoops, forgot to carry the one…

So either the rapture didn’t happen or it did and there simply wasn’t anyone worth taking. Hard to say. My question though, among millions, is this. What’s gonna happen when Jesus does finally return and sees that the cross has been used as a symbol of his life and teachings and that people have erected them everywhere in his honor? Is he gonna be like “Gee thanks, took me 2000 years of therapy to get over the horrible way I died and this is what I come back to!? I’m outta here!

Nah, I’m sure Jesus wouldn’t do that, but for now the long wait for salvation continues, and for the preacher Harold Camping who started this whole May 21 rapture prediction, an explanation is also awaited. No doubt it’ll be something like, “Whoops, forgot to carry the one! Okay, let’s see. I have a prostate exam scheduled for Wednesday, so…um…next Tuesday for sure. Now everyone send me your money so I can put up more billboards.”

What’s really weird is that I’m actually kinda sad the rapture didn’t happen, because I think like everyone else, I’m constantly looking for some proof that life is more than just a crazy fluke of the universe. Of course one could look at the incredible engineering involved in life and say that’s all the proof one needs, but still, a burning bush wouldn’t hurt once in awhile either.

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